


The Pain of Waiting

by black_kitty_cat



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 20:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18645385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_kitty_cat/pseuds/black_kitty_cat
Summary: Vic should've known that being in a secret relationship meant also being kept in the dark. Luckily her Station 19 family rallies around her when Lucas ends up in hospital.





	The Pain of Waiting

Vic knew the muttering made her seem crazy, but she didn’t care. She just kept slamming her hooks into bags of coffee beans. She was doing her job. Overhaul. She definitely wasn’t thinking about being stood up by a guy the day after proposing to him. She proposed to him.

_Slam_

She was just going to keep working. Working and muttering and ignoring the way her colleagues – her family – were looking at her.

“Everything okay?”

Vic looked up at Travis. “Fine. Just fine,” she said, her last word emphasized by another bag of coffee beans getting stabbed.

Travis checked to make sure no one else was within earshot. “So what happened?” he whispered, trying again to get some more information out of her.

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now.”

_Slam_

“Okay. But maybe calm down before you maim someone with those hooks.”

Vic threw her tools down. “I’m going outside, I need a break.”

Travis watched her leave before turning to their friends. He answered their questioning looks with a shrug and went back to work.

* * *

Standing outside in silence alone with her thoughts did nothing to calm down Vic. She kept going through everything she could’ve done differently. She shouldn’t have proposed. She knew that. And she shouldn’t have chickened out afterwards. She should’ve made Lucas talk about it, about them, there and then, in the back of the ambulance. Instead she got scared and suddenly waiting until this morning to be rejected had seemed like the perfect plan.

“Stupid,” she muttered. This entire thing had been stupid from the beginning. If only they had made it a one-time thing. If only she had insisted on keeping it light and breezy. If only she hadn’t fallen for him. If only he hadn’t made her think she could have it all. If only it hadn’t felt like her heart had been stuck in a vice the entire time Lucas was inside the coffee warehouse yesterday.

She considered sending another message to Lucas. He hadn’t replied to anything all day, which worried and infuriated her. She tried typing something but deleted every attempt. Eventually she just locked her phone and slid it in her pocket.

Vic turned to look at the building, reliving the moment Lucas walked out after not responding for what felt like hours. She was about to go back in when her phone started ringing. She fished it out of her pocket and saw Sullivan’s name pop up on the screen.

“Sir?”

“Hughes, I’m gonna need you and Montgomery to meet me at Grey+Sloan Memorial.”

Vic frowned. “But sir, we’re still doing overhaul.”

The line was silent for a few seconds. “Vic, you need to be here.”

Hearing Sullivan use her first name made panic start rushing through her veins. “We’ll be there.” She disconnected the call as she ran back inside. “Travis, we have to go. Now.”

“Where are you going?”

Vic looked at Bishop briefly before picking up her discarded tools. “The captain requested our presence at the hospital.”

“Should we all go?”

She shook her head. “He just wants Montgomery and me.” She started walking away, feeling the weight of her friends' stares on her back. She was nearly at the truck when Travis caught up with her.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” She held out her hand. “Give me the keys, I’m driving.”

“No, you’re not. I think Sullivan would prefer it if we arrived at Grey+Sloan in one piece.”

* * *

Vic was not good at sitting around and waiting. Emergencies usually meant running into burning buildings or cutting someone out of a mangled car, not doing nothing. Doing nothing made her restless. Being restless made her want to talk.

“How did you know?”

Sullivan cleared his throat. “He came to me for advice. He was careful not to use any names, but I figured it out.”

“You didn’t report us.”

“No. But I made it clear to him I would be protecting you if there was any fallout from this.”

“Thank you.” None of them spoke after that. They watched the people around them: doctors discussing patients, nurses keeping everything running smoothly, family members anxiously waiting for news about their loved ones. Suddenly Vic broke their silence again.

“I was so angry with him this morning.”

Sullivan shot Travis a look over her head. He got up and looked around the waiting room. “I’m gonna check in with the station, maybe find us some coffee. Call me if anything happens.”

Travis watched their boss walk away before turning to Vic. “You said he didn’t show up. So what happened?”

“We had plans to meet at this diner. We started going there because we figured it was far enough away to avoid running into people who know us. We were going to talk about us, about our future.” She kept staring straight ahead.

“But he didn’t show up.”

Vic scoffed. “I proposed to him. And then I didn’t let him answer. I may have freaked out a bit.” She glanced sideways when she heard Travis snort in response. “So we decided to meet up this morning. Give ourselves some time to think it through. I waited for him. And he didn’t show. So I just left and went to work.”

“Stabbing bags of coffee beans.”

“I was hoping it would help, but it didn’t. And he didn’t reply to my messages. And while I was stabbing coffee and thinking the worst things about him, he was dying on a sidewalk somewhere.”

Travis put a hand over her knee. “He’s not dying. He’s being treated by some of the best doctors in the world, at least according to Warren. The people who saved me after the skyscraper fire. They’ll fix whatever’s wrong with him. He’s not dying.”

Vic reached out a hand to trace the wedding ring on Travis’s finger. “Michael did. So many firefighters don’t make it home.”

“This isn’t like that.”

She looked at Travis, a tear spilling down her cheek. “How do you move on after something like that? Because I can barely breathe right now and I don’t even know if he wanted to marry me. How are you still going after losing Michael?”

Travis hugged her close. “You just do. One step at a time. But that’s not going to happen to you today, okay?”

* * *

It took a while, but eventually department brass started showing up, a few off-duty captains dropped by to get an update, even the mayor’s office had sent someone to be briefed on the Chief’s condition. Sullivan had gotten Doctor Bailey’s help in containing them. So far, none of them had made it into the surgical floor’s waiting room, but it was only a matter of time.

“Let’s go find Doctor Schmitt.” Sullivan waited for Vic and Travis to follow him.

“Who’s Doctor Schmitt?” Travis asked as they walked over to the nurses' station.

“He’s the one who found Ripley,” Sullivan said before turning to the nurse on duty. “We’re looking for Doctor Schmitt. We have some questions for him.”

The nurse smiled at him. “I’ll page him for you, Captain.”

“Thank you very much. Is there an empty conference room we could use?”

The nurse pointed down the hallway to her right. “It’s just down this hall, you can’t miss it. If you find yourself in the ICU, you’ve gone too far.”

Sullivan thanked her again and led his two firefighters towards the conference room.

“Why are we talking to this Schmitt guy?” Vic asked after Sullivan showed them into the room.

“I figured you could do with an update, but those don’t seem to be coming our way right now. So maybe hearing from the first person on the scene could help for now.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Vic sat down next to Travis, who rested his arm on the back of her chair. His left hand sought out hers and squeezed it, reminding her she wasn’t alone. They sat in silence for a few minutes, with Vic staring a hole into the table. Travis was keeping an eye on her, while Sullivan kept himself busy with his phone.

“Our people are downstairs,” he said just as the door to the conference room opened.

“Captain Sullivan, you wanted to see me?” A young doctor with glasses walked in and closed the door behind him.

Sullivan finished typing on his phone and nodded. “Please sit down, Doctor Schmitt. We just have a few questions about this morning.”

Doctor Schmitt sat down across from Vic, glancing at her and Travis’s hands before looking at Sullivan. “What do you want to know?”

“Do you have an update on Chief Ripley’s condition?”

Schmitt shook his head. “No, sorry. I was pulled off the case after I brought him into the ER this morning. I wasn’t supposed to be back at work until this afternoon.”

“That’s okay,” Sullivan said. “Just tell us what happened this morning when you found Ripley.”

“I walked out of the flower shop and I saw him lying facedown on the sidewalk. I turned him over. He had a laceration above his right eye, I guess from when he fell down.” Schmitt cleared his throat. “I realised he wasn’t breathing, so I yelled at someone to call 911 and started doing CPR by myself until the ambulance got there. We resuscitated him and by the time we got to the ER, he had started regaining consciousness. I don’t know anything else.”

Sullivan was about to ask another question when Schmitt started talking again. “I should’ve realised something was wrong earlier.”

“What do you mean?” Travis asked, frowning at the young doctor.

Schmitt turned to look at Travis. “When we were talking in the flower shop. He kept coughing, and it didn’t sound too bad, so I assumed it was just allergies.”

“What was he doing in a flower shop?”

Everybody looked at Vic, who had been silent up until now. She had finally looked up from the table and was now staring into Schmitt’s eyes. He broke eye contact with her and looked back at Sullivan. “Does it matter?”

“Just answer the question, doctor Schmitt.”

Schmitt nodded. “I don’t know how any of this is relevant, but okay. He was in the shop when I came in. I heard him cough, actually. I asked if he was okay and we started talking.” He hesitated. “He asked me which flowers he should get to tell someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with them.”

Vic stood up suddenly, her chair clattering on the floor. She yanked open the door and started running down the corridor.

“I’ve got her,” Travis said. He ran after her, leaving Sullivan and a bewildered doctor behind. He nearly caught up to Vic when she ran into Herrera.

Andy grabbed Vic’s shoulders to keep them both upright. “What’s going on?” She looked at her friend and saw the desperation in her eyes. “I’ve got this,” she told Travis before quickly guiding Vic over to a supply closet near the ICU. She pushed her friend inside and then followed her in, closing the door behind them.

“When my dad was sick, one of the doctors took me in here so I could have a meltdown,” Andy said. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you do whatever you have to.”

Vic barely heard what Andy was saying. She kept hearing the last thing that doctor said. Lucas wanted to marry her. He didn’t stand her up. He would’ve made it to the diner if he hadn’t – Vic couldn’t finish her last thought. A sob broke through the barrier she had been building ever since Sullivan had called her. She couldn’t stop. Sobs took over her entire body. She vaguely felt Andy’s hands on her, guiding her to the floor, but all she could see was Lucas. Lucas in her bed that first night. Lucas sitting across from her in their booth at the diner. Giving her that nod at the fire, telling her that he was okay. The look on his face when she accidentally proposed to him in the middle of an incident scene. Every moment she had had with him played in her mind, over and over.

Eventually her sobs died down. Vic was exhausted. She looked around, realising where she was for the first time. She could finally hear the comforting murmurs, feel Andy’s arm around her back. Vic looked at her, sight still slightly blurred by unspilled tears.

“What happened?”

Vic sighed. “I can’t tell you,” she whispered.

“You can. I just want to help,” Andy said. “I can see how much pain you’re in. Please tell me so I can help.”

Vic hung her head, wiping a few more tears out of her eyes. “Okay. But you can’t tell anyone. And I need you to be my friend Andy for this, not my lieutenant.”

“I promise.”

Vic needed a few more seconds to collect her thoughts. “I don’t really know where to start.” She hugged her knees close to her chest and rested her head on top of them, looking at Andy. “I’m dating the Chief.”

“You’re dating Ripley?” Andy asked, her brow knit together in a confused frown.

“Yeah. And I know that it’s against the rules, but this isn’t just about sex. For either of us.”

Andy took a few moments to digest the bombshell her friend had just dropped. “When did you two start seeing each other?”

“We had a few moments, but nothing happened until after we had that training session with SPD.”

“But that was months ago! You managed to keep a secret that long? I’m impressed.”

Vic shrugged. “Turns out the fear of ruining both of our careers is enough to help me keep my mouth shut. Although a few people did find out along the way.”

Andy ran a hand over her hair. “I wasn’t going to mention it, but about that: how are the two of you going to handle that? Just keep your relationship a secret forever and run the risk of more people finding out?”

“Ripley found a loophole. Nobody could hurt us if we got married. He didn’t really propose, but he did mention it.” Vic ignored Andy’s shocked gasp. “Except I said no. At the fire yesterday. I said no, but then I kinda proposed to him.”

“Oh, Vic. What did he say?”

“Nothing. I didn’t let him. We were supposed to meet this morning to talk.” Vic leaned on the shelf behind her and got up. “Can you call me the second you hear anything?”

Andy got up, confused. “Where are you going?”

“I just need to get out of here. All this sitting around is driving me insane.”

They left the supply closet together. “Do you want some company?” Andy asked.

Vic shook her head. “I want to be alone for now.” She started to walk away but turned back after a few steps. “Travis and Jack also know. And Lucas must’ve told Sullivan, because he was the one to call me right after you guys arrived. But I really don’t want this to get out before I know what’s going to happen.”

Andy interrupted her. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

“Thanks.” She gave Andy a small smile and then started walking down the hallway again. Before turning the corner, she looked back to see Andy walk over to a few familiar people in SFD uniforms.

* * *

Vic was standing on the roof of the hospital, looking down at a city that was just going about its business, unaware of what might be going on inside Grey+Sloan. Every now and then she could hear sirens leave and come back. She had no idea how long she had been standing in the same spot. The restlessness from before had made way for exhaustion. She had to force herself to stay upright, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Lucas and sleep for a week. Suddenly her phone buzzed.

_He’s out of surgery. Meet me at the closet near the ICU._

Andy’s message terrified Vic. There was no reason to meet outside the Meltdown Closet unless Andy had bad news. Vic ran to the roof door and down the stairs, finding the nearest elevator. Once she walked onto the ICU floor, she did her best not to run. There were still enough department officials around who could ask some awkward questions about why she was running towards their boss’s hospital room. She rounded the corner and saw Andy waiting for her, together with Sullivan.

“How is he?” she asked, slightly out of breath.

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” Sullivan replied. “Strictly speaking, they’re only supposed to give updates to his family, but Warren talked to a few of the doctors. Ripley’s okay for now, but he may need a second surgery. There’s a problem with his heart, which is why the first surgery took so long.”

“Can I see him?”

Andy shook her head. “Not until he’s out of the ICU. There are too many eyes on him and the walls are literally made of glass. People would be wondering why a random firefighter was sitting in the Chief’s room.”

“I don’t care about that,” Vic said, shooting them both an incredulous look. She tried to walk past them, but Sullivan stopped her.

“We do,” the captain said. “Until you two have solved your problem, you don’t want to attract any attention from the department. It’ll be another couple of hours before they move him to a normal room, so Herrera is going to take you home.” Vic tried to interrupt, but Sullivan held up his hand. “No. Herrera is taking you home, so you can rest and eat something.” He leaned in close to her. “If I don’t make you take care of yourself, Ripley’s never going to forgive me.”

After a few seconds of intense eye contact, Vic gave in. She allowed Andy to steer her towards the elevators. The ride over to her apartment went by in a blur. She told Andy to make herself at home and walked into her bedroom. Her clothes smelled like smoke, coffee and hospital. She toed off her boots, threw her clothes into a corner of the room and walked into the bathroom. She turned the tap on the shower, letting the water warm up a bit. On impulse she grabbed Lucas’s shower gel from the bathroom counter before getting in. She quickly washed her hair, not wanting to waste any time. Flicking open the shower gel, she inhaled deeply. It almost smelled exactly like Lucas. Almost.

She rushed through the rest of her shower. After drying off and fixing her hair, she walked back into the bedroom to put on clean clothes. She opened a drawer to find a shirt, but her eyes fell on a shirt that was hanging over the back of the chair next to her closet. Lucas had left it there the day before yesterday. She put on the shirt, grabbing a sweater for when they went back to the hospital. Not attracting attention probably also meant not parading around in public in your secret boyfriend’s shirt.

“I made you a sandwich,” Andy said as Vic walked into the kitchen.

“Thanks.” She sat down at the table. “Any news?”

“Sullivan called while you were in the shower. He ran into Ripley’s sister.”

“Has she seen him?”

Andy nodded. “He was fine, still sleeping when she left. She also made sure to add you to his visitor list, just in case he has to spend more time in the ICU.”

“Where I won’t be able to go, in case anyone recognizes me,” Vic sighed.

“We’ll figure something out if we have to,” Andy said with a shrug. “You wanna take a nap before going back?”

Vic cleared the table. “No. I just wanna see him.” She left Andy in the kitchen and went to find some shoes to wear, not really feeling like putting on her boots again. She picked up her purse, put on her sweater and followed Andy out the door.

* * *

Sullivan was waiting for them when they got out of the elevator. “Herrera, you can go home if you want.” He turned to Vic. “Hughes, I’ll take you to his room.” Vic waved goodbye at Andy and followed the captain.

“He woke up after his sister left, just for a few minutes. I was with him. He asked for you, but I don’t think he realised what was going on.” Sullivan stopped halfway down the corridor. “He fell asleep again in the ICU and then they brought him here.” He pointed to a closed door. The blinds on the window were also closed. “He needs to rest, but Warren convinced his wife to allow one more visitor tonight.”

“Warren knows?”

“That doctor who found Ripley this morning ran into him. He put two and two together.” Sullivan gave Vic a sympathetic look. “I wouldn’t worry too much about Warren. He was in a similar situation once.”

Vic nodded. “Thank you, Captain.”

She waited until he had left before she opened the door to Lucas’s room. She walked in and closed the door behind her, as quietly as possible. There were two chairs on either side of the bed. Vic sat down on the right side, took a deep breath, and finally looked at Lucas. He had a bandage on his forehead, and she remembered that he had hurt his head when he collapsed. He had on a hospital gown, but Vic could see there were more bandages covering his chest. The soft beeps of the heart monitor broke the silence, but all she could hear was Lucas’s soft breathing. She tentatively put her hand over his on the bed. She was lost to time until she felt him squeeze her hand. She looked at their hands and then to his face.

“Hey,” he rasped out.

Vic thought she had been all cried out, but apparently she had a few more tears left to cry. She rested her head next to their hands on the bed and cried.

“I’m okay.” He kept repeating it until her crying slowed down. “Look at me, Victoria.”

She wiped her free hand over her face and looked at him. He motioned for her to join him up on the bed.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

He smiled at her. “You could never hurt me.” He sounded tired.

Vic slipped off her shoes and got up on the bed, mindful of all the wires and tubes connected to Lucas. She leaned her head on his shoulder. His hand settled on her waist, his arm trying to hug her closer to him. She brought her hand up to his chest and, after hesitating a second or two, rested it over his heart. Lucas placed his hand over hers, weaving their fingers together.

“Are you really okay?” she whispered.

“Not yet. But I will be.” They lay together in silence for a while. “Talk to me.”

She looked at him. “About what?”

“Anything. I just wanna hear your voice.” He pressed his lips against her forehead.

“Okay.” Vic took a few seconds to find something to say. “I heard you bought me flowers.”

“I did. I don’t think those made it to the hospital though.”

She could feel his smile against her skin. She took a deep breath. “So, about our conversation from yesterday.”

“I’m still not entirely sure what toilet paper has to do with anything.”

Vic laughed softly. “I’ll explain it to you later.” She turned her head, kissing his shoulder. “I meant what I said. I want something real with you.” Her voice was muffled against his skin, but he could hear the question she wasn’t asking.

“Yes.” He kissed her forehead again.

“Good,” she said, letting herself finally relax in his arms. She didn’t fight sleep when it came. She didn’t care who saw her in his bed. They were exactly where they belonged, in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> So I started watching this show less than a week ago? And immediately fell in love with Vic? And then fell in love with her and Ripley? And then after the last episode, this fic just sorta happened? I don't know...


End file.
